(Verse 1)

We've been dating for fourteen days,

Fourteen nights, fourteen different ways

To pretend I'm cool with how fast this goes —

But honestly, brother, nobody knows.

You sent me a text at 2:15,

Said "My mom would love you, you're so clean."

Clean? I'm a mess, I haven't shaved in three,

But apparently that's husband material to thee.

(Pre-Chorus)

I haven't even learned your middle name,

I still mix up which brother is to blame

For the broken vase you mentioned once —

Was it Mike or Matt? It matters, dunce.

(Chorus)

Two weeks in and you're picking out rings,

I'm still practicing how your name sings.

You're planning futures, naming the kids,