Dear friends, we surely all agree

There's almost nothing worse to see

Than some repulsive little bum

Who's always chewing chewing-gum.

Did any of you ever know

A person called Miss Bigelow?

This dreadful woman saw no wrong

In chewing, chewing all day long.

She chewed while bathing in the tub,

She chewed while dancing at her club,

She went on chewing till, at last,

Her chewing muscles grew so vast

Until at last her jaws decide

To pause and open extra wide,

And with the most tremendous chew

They bit the lady's tongue in two.

Thereafter, just from chewing gum,

Miss Bigelow was always dumb,

And that is why we'll try so hard

To save Miss Violet Beauregarde

From suffering an equal fate.

She's still quite young. It's not too late,